Choices and plans

So another weekend has passed and although it wasn't perfect by any means, it was certainly a lot better than the weekend before. Considering it was the mother of all weekends -- Thanksgiving, I feel a lot better about the way I handled things. Did I indulge? Did I eat things I shouldn't have? Yes and yes, but I planned for it this time. I didn't miss any of my workouts and I even added in some extra time on the treadmill in addition to my P90X schedule. The thing I've had to learn about health and fitness and just living my life is that it is not all or nothing. It's not a race to the results or if it is, it's a marathon, not a sprint. Every day, you make the choice - are you going to work out? Are you going to pick the foods that will benefit your health? If most days the answer to those questions is 'yes', then the days when it is 'no' won't really matter in the long run. Sure there will be setbacks and failures but I think if you can pick yourself up and learn from those mistakes, your success will be that much greater!

All that being said, I've decided I am not going to try and outdo myself these next few weeks by adding in a bunch of extra workouts. I'm going to stick with my P90X schedule and possibly a few runs on the treadmill and pay close attention to my nutrition by eating clean. I'm going to enjoy the rest of the holiday season in moderation (as much as possible) and then I am going to do the Shakeology 3-day cleanse in January so I can start Turbo Fire with a clean slate. Many people are doing the cleanse this week to make up for Thanksgiving but I know I will benefit more if I save it until all of the holidays are done! I broke a 2 month plateau the first time I did it and lost 3.5 lbs so I am really looking forward to it! That's my plan for December and I intend to stick with it! As one of my favorite fitness trainers, Jillian Michaels, says, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail!" Not me, no way! :-D

Two steps forward, two steps back!

This weekend was bad, REALLY bad. I don't know why or how I've let it come to this but lately I can't seem to stop. I ate and ate and then I ate even more. All the things I know about food and how to eat and when and what just went completely out the window. I found ways to reason with myself that it was okay to have the burger and the ice cream and the chinese food and the pizza...it was complete self sabotage and now I sit here this Monday afternoon wondering what the hell I was thinking?! I know I'm not the only one who does this. I think so many of us have that mentality that the weekend is a free for all -- anything goes and come Monday, it's time to pay. It's a never-ending cycle of accomplishment followed by regret. I'm writing this now in the hopes that when the next weekend starts, I can look back and read this and remember that it doesn't have to be that way!

As I was doing Insanity this morning (the first of many workouts for the day) I was on the verge of tears. I thought about all the hard work I have put in over the last 22 months, everything I have gone through to lose all this weight and to get healthy for the first time in my life -- the workouts, the food journals, learning about protein and carbs, drinking enough water, and on and on...why, lately, have I been so quick to throw it all away? It's not just been this last weekend but every weekend for the last two months or so. Now I'm a big believer in having a cheat meal here and there, maybe once a week, but it's been spreading through the whole weekend! I know this is a problem and if I don't get to the bottom of it, it very well could take control of me! I don't want to make excuses but I know stress is playing a huge factor. The biggest stress of it all - finances! I hate that money or the lack of it has such a death grip over me right now. I am almost constantly crunching numbers in my head. It's exhausting and depressing and it eats at me because it is a problem I can't seem to fix. What makes it even worse is that it seems to be pushing me even more toward these bad choices with food. I know we really can't afford to eat out and for some reason the fact that it is somewhat forbidden makes it that much more enticing. Add in the holiday season with all the goodies to eat plus the extra money needed for Christmas presents and I am just foreseeing a recipe for disaster -- a perfect storm of stress induced sabotage.

Now, I am not going to whine about my problems -- everyone has something going on that can be used to reason why things aren't going right whether it be finances, injuries, relationships, or whatever. I am simply laying all of mine on the table so I can recognize what they are, how they are affecting me, and how I can get past them. I've been letting them get the best of me lately but enough is enough! No more excuses, no more two steps forward, two steps back. It's time I reevaluate my goals and start remembering why I started on this journey in the first place. Sure, the numbers on the scale played a huge part in my original goal but it became so much more than that. Exercise didn't start out easy for me but the more I do it, the more I enjoy the way I feel because of it -- strong, energized, HEALTHY! Eating has became a way to fuel my body with the healthiest and surprisingly tastiest meals I have ever had. I don't know how I lost touch with all of this but I am ready to get back on board and fight! I am ready to put all the nonsense of the last few months behind me and move on! This is one battle I refuse to lose!